Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:35:29 GMT

to whom it may concern,

some rather unsavory details about my life have very recently been brought to my attention. i know, you may wonder why i of all people didn't know specifics about goings on in MY life. this is because i am surrounded by cowards and gossips. let me explain.

i write in this journal as a release. as a psych major and future therapist, the way people think (myself very much included), rationalize, and emote is very interesting to me, and i take pleasure in being able to track it. i write in this journal...having thought it was private. i knew that my settings were not so, but i honestly didn't think anyone (besides the 2 or three LJ friends of mine that regularly check in on me) cared enough/was bored enough to actually put up with my musings. tonight i was proven wrong in the worst way.

it has come to my attention that a couple of my "friends" (who i was told i am specifically close to) have been reading this journal without my knowledge. i know it is not private, but it pains me to think that "friends" (i am using this title incredibly loosely now) of mine have been reading every thought that's entered my mind, every emotion that's been in my heart, and been secretly discussing it and holding it against me. if i took a look into the innermost workings of you all, i'm sure you wouldn't be as full of yourselves as you are now. you might want to call me a bitch, but look at it from the other perspective for a second.

i pride myself on my judgements. i make snap judgements (we all do, even if none of you will admit to it). and then i try my hardest to break them; i never let my judgements get in the way of me getting to know someone or giving them a chance. that's something i can almost positively say. and i say that if i have to make those harsh judgements in order to challenge myself to break them (which is my biggest thrill in life), then i lead a much richer and, in some ways, morally true existence.

so i guess i'll leave it at that. i stand by the things i said and wrote and am saddened that others have been taking sick pleasure in reading it without my knowledge and making me out to be a bitch for it; in such a time of struggle for myself personally, i thought my "friends" would help me through it, and you have instead made me feel more exposed, vulnerable, and hurt than ever before. also, i commend vivi on taking time to gain some perspective, and rationally approaching me about it. that's what friends do. and as for you who sit back reading a girl's diary for fun -- get something better to do and grow the balls to own up to what you actually spend your time on. here's to an already ruined year. i'm sure you'll all appreciate the fact that i can't stand the sight of half of you greek gossips so i'm keeping my distance from here on out.

peace fuckers,
sarah

Sarah